Sunday, March 12, 2017

Where have I been, Mirror, Mirror, on the rocks!



I have always been a lover type of person in my relationships not a hater!
When I am hooked, I'm hooked! That is not a bad thing, from where I been.
(This is a disclaimer. This story has TMI. Just be aware, it's my pain and growth!
No names are mentioned here!) I'm not a player, just a lover!
 
I don't have hate and I learned to not get upset over temporary issues.
In my past I got upset over temporary issues as all in relationships do,
but I learned it's temporary so I let it go as I look back at my
past relationships in relating to the now. It's called learning.
Like you can love someone wanting better for the partner in that
there is no line to cross as it's all good, balanced and supportive toward the
partner. The balance would be welcomed these days and it's worth it!

*****For instance I was with a lady hair dresser for a time in the 1990's.
She barfed on the first date. She smoked weed and liked to go at
gay bars being she had a hard life she was abused by a biker gang lady
that had a death threat on her from testifying in court about them.
She might of been forced to sleep with a frozen pig.
She was a secret wittiness and the biker guy recognized her by
her testimony and called her by name threatening to kill her.

She freaked, so she ended up feeling safe at a gay bar that was her security.
Not one biker would step foot in a gay bar!
Im not gay, she was not gay it was her security to go there.
Every time a guy with leather on walked in the bar she would watch them
out of the corner of her eye. It was that bad!

On the first date at a nice restaurant she ran to the bathroom
and threw-up everywhere. She was like a keeper seeing the back of her
as she was running to the bathroom, then with a Blaaaah, Splat noise she went.
These "Party girls" with their little lipstick purse came running out screaming
with their hands in the air and high heels going tap, tap, tap as they ran out!
The bathroom door was slow to close, so I saw all that from the table I was at.
At the time I wanted to hold up a lighter for her, but didn't have one!
Nervous, high etc she got sick, I took that cougar back to her environment which
was the gay bar all was ok it's her normality there. She told me where she likes to go
thinking I would say hell no, but I accepted her for who she is and
she could not believe it.

As I am I tend to be like a valium so she took me home on the first date.
Keep in mind of her past, a strange man in a waterbed with her passed out
tired, she farted in her sleep. This never happens in life, a lady like her would
be aware of my every move. Nope she slept and farted! And I had to try
not to laugh as I would of shook the waterbed. You don't want to suddenly
wake up tired older cougar. Let sleeping cougars sleep!
She farted in her sleep what would Sigmund Freud say?
Trust, that is the point!

I had to carry her over my shoulder to the car once. The bar owner kept calling me
at work letting me know she was smashed that night. She got too drunk that night
and I took her home put her in her bed. She mumbled before she passed out
something like if I stick it in her @$$ use the gel. I kissed her and went back to
my place. She didn't know what she was saying! Significant others don't
BLANK you in the BLANK when you are passed out drunk!
Her room mate was a transvestite / now called transgender, she took care of him
like her son. There is a amount of fairness and respect that was shown by that.

My relationship with the hairdresser didn't workout but that was ok.
This was one of the fun / humanistic relationships I had.

*****Also in the 1990's I had a friend and his wife take me out to dinner at
Denny's so they could talk to me about...  Well my friend's wife told me they
wanted to have sex with me. And some guy behind us in the other seat said
"I'll be damned, a male unicorn!" I replied "Hay... I'm not gay!"
I didn't expect that and It is funny that I can say
"I'M A UNICORN, BUT I'M NOT GAY!"
That is not me, so I found it funny that they said that to me!
They where still my friends but I let them know it's not me!
*****I dated a lady I met on the internet. I also met her before I met her. 
Red string of fate! I first met her when I was on the school bus in high school. 
Her and her kids where going backward into a intersection in their car with a 
T-top after doing a burnout. It was a cloudy day and when they went flying 
backward they stopped in the middle of the intersection when there was a 
opening in the cloud and a beam of light shined on their car and only their car. 
She put her hands in the light and waved them around before they took off again. 
I am glad I dated her but I didn't know if we where meant to be. 
I never thought of these things like that before. On the bus I knew it was like a 
spot light on her but I never understood back then. 

*****I dated a lady that was a head lady in the federal credit union.
She had a short life span due to a enlarged heart. She was in need of a 
heart transplant. I was dating her to make life better for her.
It was a love and support relationship as she had heart problems
and a short life... Take into your life what is good for you life's short!

*****Also had a lady tell me "We like you." "My other personality likes you
and I trust her so im ok with it!"

*****Also you could say I had a date with a married lady when I was 10.
When I was in my elementary time 1979 I think,
I remember a teacher taking me to a bar to have a coke to also meet
her boyfriend or husband. It was something about her pay check
to pay the rent, she brought me along. Nothing bad!
That was really cool it was life in the 70's!
 
*****I fell for a married lady who was a Angie Dickinson lookalike, my boss
when I worked at a Hotel. She went to a salon once and fixed her hair.
It caused me problems at work! It was to the point her co-worker said
something like "Look at him, your driving him nuts!"
She came over and poked me, and said OK, we need to fix this.
She went back to the salon and had her hair toned down.
Many knew I was in love with her and the hair issue was just proof of it.

People at work knew I fell for her, and we where sort of notarized by a coworker
telling me damn she's yelling at you at work and your not even her husband!
"Stop standing up for my husband, stop it, stop it!"
I was for her best interest because she's my best interest, I was for her
because I did need her also! I looked forward to working with her!

The hotel put a obvious hidden camera in the wall once. A few months later I fixed it.
I knew it bugged her and I got sick of it also so enough! I covered the hole with butter
being the color of the butter was the same color of the wall and respectfully the same as
her hair color. (Only I would notice something like that. When I get it bad I get it bad!)
Anyway the butter worked no more camera in the wall and no one said anything.

*****I also dated a lady who's mom smoked hash. The little dog even got
into it and made it psychotic. She showed me her "Mom's stash of hash!"
She caught her past boyfriend having sex with her mom in a bad place and
saw everything she had a total breakdown. Her mom was smoking too much at
the time and didn't know what was going on. I was her first boyfriend after that and
I had to deal with her paranoia of her thinking I want her mom.
It didn't help that the little dog jumped in the shower with her mom and attacked her.
She ran naked through the house being chased by the dog with me and my girlfriend
sitting on the couch with me not being able to help it looking at her mom only to look
to my right to see my girlfriend staring me down. "I knew it!"

Even worse I think her mom said to her daughter after the chase
"Sweetie he does not want to have sex with me, now do you?" (Asked to me.)
I paused as it flashed in my mind her mom running around the house, naked.
My girlfriend was staring me down again and her mom shaking her head, (No, No, say No!)
"Oh, no I don't sweetie!" I did, I was in love, but really I can't do something like that
with my girlfriends history! I love my girlfriend and I can't do that to her!
But as it goes I ended up falling for her sister.
A soulmate meant to be, but I was too stupid to know at the time to keep her!
I am sorry and yes I love her also too timelessly!

*****My girlfriend in High school was a ex teen prostitute
in Vegas when she was 13. I believe that she ran away and
someone pimped her in Vegas only for her to be beaten up giving
her a broken jaw, taken home and with a ding dong zoom here is
your daughter kind of thing she was dropped off at the front door.
Whoever did it are bastards even today!

I hooked up with her when she was 15 starting high school
I was 18 myself and way over my head with everything!
It was a emotional support type of relationship.
Like a shotgun wedding. Her dad told me they say 100's
of people got their hands on her and don't break up with her
she can't take rejection. I was her first boyfriend after all that mess!
I was glad she was my girlfriend!

A few years later I got a phone call from some health department
somewhere at 6 am keep in mind at the time I didn't get up until 11 am.
They let me know there was a guy that was with her tested positive
for AIDS and that I should be tested. I said what... ok... and went back
to bed only to wake up at 11 am not sure if that was a dream of not.
I never had sex with her so I was not worried I tested anyway
all was ok! And she is also ok today.

*****I fell for a girl I kept running into my near the final year in high school.
Where ever I went I would see her somewhere in the background.

I was going to talk to her to let her know I was interested in her after
graduation practice, but she had to leave during it.
Everyone looked at her go up the stairs as they where all in place where
they are supposed to be, all but her! I was in love!

So I ended up after graduation looking for her and found her.
We talked a bit and I found out she was going out of state for College.
So really to me at the time this was the last time I would see her, it hurt!

And to the fact that I got booted off going to a big college and I ended
up at a JR college. Most of that time my heart was thinking about her.
It was one of those things like the "Red string of fate" heart wise to me!

I was depressed about it. So there I was sitting in class at the JR college, thinking
about things depressed, I really was thinking about her at the time when she came
walking in and sat down in a class I was in.
She was going to the same college I was and we had the same class together!

We dated in college but when I told her I loved her it bounced like ping pong balls
off her. Again it was not was not recognized. It seems clear to me being how we met
but her thinking was not there!

So from that we started to date for a bit. I showed her how to drive, she had
too much fun and we ended up in a field in the country, I took the keys!
She was not 100% and that is ok I loved her for who she was!
She had a stroke when she was in high school so it did damage.

Her parents at the time had no plans for her, they didn't want her to drive,
they did not teach her anything. I pointed to her she needs to take care of her self
look into people before she trust them being they would see her as a easy target.
Background checks etc she needed to do.

To me that also pointed to why she did not get to a big college.
Not being 100% was not all it but her parents seemed to me to
be dumping her! Letting her fail so she could learn herself!

She went on her way after her time in college and I lost track of her.
But I met her again when I worked at a hotel. She was at a function at the hotel
I was working. I talked to her told her my heart was still there, but still.
I found out she is moving to Chicago, and she still did not see me as
more that what I was!

But we went out one more time. I took her to dinner, then took her home.
This was a depressing day for me, being the heart string was still there and now.

That day I could not take off the day from work to go on a date all day.
I worked at a hotel and it was a big thing they had going on.

When I got there I found out it was a banquet with a famous lady actress from the 80's
I liked to watch. The show was about an Angel that lived in the closet, that would
come out to help a boy deal with things.

Sort of fitting! She was doing the motivational speaking thing there.
During her thing she came up to me and wanted to get my coffee pot so she could
run around to serve coffee to people, being motivational.
I quickly showed her how to do it safely without getting hot coffee on someone.
She later told me I was the first one that let her do it! Thanks she said.

***And I also love a married Gypsy lady I crossed paths with or to say have a
red string of fate with. Still love her and my heart is there as I am ok
with everything. Want to date her knowing that makes her a better person.
Happy landings makes happy takeoffs.
Knowing I need her also! I need a Married woman as she is obligated
to her husband as I am my with old lady. We fit and need each other!
From my past I am ready!

And I have to say I am willing to spend the rest of my life with her.
Because the requirement of that kind of relationship is high so it's
not a short term by the effort! I never intentionally went for short term
in my relationships anyway.

The point of all this? The point it might not of been what I needed but
I love everyone timelessly! Polyamory? Yes I am, I learned from all my past!
Give the Gypsy lady has me froze I can't turn right can't turn left!
It's like Schrodinger's cat! Help she's indecisive?! I need a lover!

I don't look at my past relationships as anything bad in my life.
Love can tear you up and spit you out in pieces if you
don't look in the Mirror and know who to trust and know
you survived it all in your past! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BDM-7xUkjuo

So then you know to not to get upset over whatever it was.
And know from all that you are very adapt and you know what
you really need. Rounded are the rocks you learn!

Also sometimes both parties need to Zen out!

~If a problem is fixable, if a situation is such that you can do something
about it, then there is no need to worry. If it's not fixable,
then there is no help in worrying.
There is no benefit in worrying whatsoever. (Dalai Lama)

~The ultimate way is without difficulty; those who
seek it make their own hardship. The true mind is originally
pure; those who exercise it make their own defilment. (Hui-K'ung)

~All things are free-flowing, untrammeled, what bondage is there,
what entanglement? You create your own difficulty and ease therein.
The mind source pervades the ten directions with one continuity; those
of the most excellent faculties understand naturally. (Tzu-hu)

So the point is to say trust yourself and love not hate,
to the point of being inflammatory about it. Why be fake?
In past terms, my significant others had doubts, fears.
At the time I had the same, and of course in the end we asked
as we both are apart. Like both parties sitting in their own box separate,

As in if you are driving the old lady crazy, be real about it.
If she is too old for that shit, or would be in disaster if you cut her out
of your life, then don't! My old lady is really a old lady 25 years older
than I am. It's about balance! She needs something, you fix it,
but knowing she's your old lady so if it didn't work like the last two times,
let it go. Life is too short to hate your EX being if her life span is short
under 10 years to go, what time is there to hate?
"Oh, no. She's not my wife, she's just old lady!"

So from that pit my best view is to never take life serious.
Life is not serious it will run you over it doesn't care otherwise.

What you have in your life makes you happy and things only get better.
Your job is just a job it really does not make you happy.
You can change it but 10 years from now it will be the same
thing you are running away from.

Also if wanted you will have to follow, like A New Day!
And know things only get better.
If not to follow, at least it's known you will! Because they would be worth it!
And im not kidding you! If the partner is worth it, it comes easy to follow!

*Significant others are called that because they are significant!
Or (y) makes (x) the other significant! Vice versa.
(To be good for the other person and that is what matters, the balance!)

That is my tip to others in limbo, like I have been before!
I have more to say but I can't but you get the point.
We all get that from time to time! It will be ok. Learn from it!

In the hotel business I earned my way to a $1.5 million dead peasant insurance
policy on me. I found out because HR talked to me. Wanting to know if I was
worth it being the money they where spending on me. My co-workers called me
Dead man walking! Like the boss would kill me and take the money!
But I have a protected destiny so really I was ok!

I had hard times with my life experiences, as in my dad! In the late 90's me and
my college friends would go out on the weekend one night as I was heading out
I noticed my dad was sitting in his chair eating dinner but he looked green!
I wasn't sure if it was really bad or not. I thought he was just tired exhausted,
not felling good, he will get some rest and feel better, so I went out with my friends.
This was before I had a cell phone. When I got back to the house at 1am.
I found all the lights on and in my dads bathroom was a mess of vomit, blood etc.
Not good I knew something happened and about that time the home phone rang.
It was my sis letting me know what happened they are at the hospital. So off I went.

It turned out my dad was in bad shape, it did a lot of damage but he made it.
He hung on for a long time with my mom and us taking care of him, in time he passed
away and that was ok as his quality of life was really bad for such a man.
He needed peace! He was a oil engineer and came up with a lot of bind blowing stuff.
So this was hard for him and us kids also.

Years later I was watching the Democratic convention on TV and ex president Clinton
was talking. But I noticed he looked green!
So I ran to TV to TV seeing if it was the color on the TV and called a friend asked
if he noticed how green he looked. He said yep green, so I really ended up calling the
FBI at the time. I didn't know who to call about that. I let them know I was real and not
a threat and told them that my dad looked like that before and what happened,
and they might want to get a DR to Clinton to check him out.
You might loose him!

And I guess they did as he is here today. I learned that green look from my dad
and from that in my past saw Clinton like my dad green and that was not good!
So in your life you take a beating and you get more rounded!

And have a lust for life!

Other roads?



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