Poly sorts of rules help make relationships successful!

If you are dating a married lady or in a open relationship or whatever it is there is some kind of rules. Mainly in my experience the rule is to be for her best interest. As a relationship like that is not about you, it's about all being brought up as a whole! If she is more supported then all is supported accepting the needs than not living badly! Love brings freedom to all!

~~~~~What sorts of rules help make relationships successful?
One of the most common questions I am asked about polyamory, and that I see on poly forums and hear at poly get-togethers, is “What kind of rules are good to have in poly relationships?”

This makes sense. Rules provide a feeling of order and structure. We come from a background that teaches us that the rules of monogamy are the only way to run a relationship; if we let go of those rules, we want to replace them with new rules. The alternative can seem chaotic and threatening; if we don’t have a framework of rules, what will keep us safe? What will prevent our partners from leaving us? How will we have our needs met?

I have been in just about every poly configuration you can name: single person in a relationship with one member of a couple, married person with a monogamous spouse in relationships with single poly people, married in relationships with other partnered people, unmarried in a loose network of single and partnered poly people.

Through all of those relationships spanning a number of decades, I have found that a framework of rules provides the illusion of safety, but rarely provides any real safety. There are only a handful of rules, other than those that cover specific safe-sex or financial considerations, that seem to work consistently in the long run. These are:

Treat others with respect; don’t try to force relationships to be something they are not; don’t try to impose yourself on other people; understand when things are Not About You; understand that just because you feel bad, that doesn’t necessarily mean someone else did something wrong; own your own shit.

Treat others with respect: That includes behaving with compassion toward everyone involved in the relationship…including the partners of your partners. Even if you don’t understand what your partners see in them, or wouldn’t choose them yourself. Even if you feel scared, threatened, or jealous. Recognize that your partners have the right to choose to be involved with others. Recognize that your partner’s other partners have the right to be there, and your partners have the right to advocate for and defend their other relationships, just as you do.

Don’t try to force relationships to be something they are not: Don’t try to hold down your partner’s other relationships because you feel that you want to be “top dog” or the “one highest relationship.” Don’t try to decide in advance what the relationships “should” look like and then press other people into your mold. If you’re single, don’t try to force your relationships to be primary just because you feel you want a “primary” partner. Relationships work best when allowed the space to be what they are.

Don’t try to impose yourself on other people: Don’t assume that if your partner is having sex with someone, that means you should, too. Don’t make it your partner’s responsibility to find other people for you. Don’t treat your partners or your partner’s partners as disposable commodities. Don’t assume that you can dictate what your partner can do, think, or feel. There is a distinction between asking for what you need and telling others what to do; that distinction is important.

Understand when things are Not About You: It’s a natural human impulse to make everything be about us. We see the world through a filter of “How is this about me?” The reality is, your partners and their other partners have their own relationships, with their own experiences and their own needs, and that’s OK. It is not a reflection on you; it does not mean your partner is trying to replace you or get rid of you; it does not mean that there is something wrong with you, something lacking in you, or that you are not enough. If your partners like having sex with each other in your favorite position, that is Not About You. If they like eating at that one restaurant where you first went on your first date with your partner, that is Not About You; it does not make that place any less special for you and your partner.

Just because you feel bad, that doesn’t necessarily mean someone else did something wrong (and conversely, just because you feel good doesn’t necessarily mean what you are doing is right): Externalizing your feelings, and assuming that you have a right to be comfortable all the time, is neither reasonable nor compassionate. You will feel awkward sometimes. You will feel uncomfortable sometimes. You will feel scared sometimes. Hooray! Welcome to the human race. Congratulations, you’re a fully-functioning human being. Feeling these things does not necessarily mean that someone else is doing something bad to you, or that you have a right to control other people in order to make the feelings go away.

Own your own shit: Develop the tools to understand your emotional responses. Recognize that because you feel something, it doesn’t necessarily mean someone else has MADE you feel it. Nor does it necessarily mean that the feeling is trying to communicate something genuine; feelings are not necessarily fact. Take responsibility for the consequences of your actions—all of them, even the unintended consequences. Seek to do no harm to others. Learn to advocate for your needs; you cannot expect to have what you want if you don’t ask for what you want. But don’t do it with the expectation that you are entitled to get 100% percent of what you want 100 percent of the time. Listen to what your partners say—even when it sounds challenging or frightening to you. Be willing to accept discomfort; there is no growth without it, and there’s more to life than taking the path of least resistance. Remember that you have value, that your partner is with you because your partner sees that value in you and not because you have somehow tricked your partner into being with you. Make your decisions based on what makes you the best, most courageous version of yourself, not based on what you are afraid of losing.

Now, I’m not saying that these will protect your relationship from all harm, of course. No rules can do that, which is kind of the point. These guidelines, in my experience, go a long way toward helping to build compassionate, loving, stable relationships in which everyone feels empowered, and while that might not guarantee that they will last forever, it sure is a good start.
https://www.morethantwo.com/polyrules.html

Food stamp rule change

Well you more likely heard the complaints at work about making enough money to not qualify for food stamps and not enough money to make it so they don't living low making others live low also. If the parents live bad then so do the kids. Less food stamps is more people have to spend on food in that they have to cut back on something to compensate for the cost ending in less sales!

Anyway you see it cutting on peoples food stamps is cutting on business owners in a lack of sales as you spend what you earn and if you earn less you spend less. Food stamps gets passed on to business owners so cutting food stamps is cutting money to them. The poor will just get cheap stuff cutting back their spending!

I still say why not just raise the minimum wage so there is no tax burden with people that can afford to buy food making not much need for food stamps in the first place? The condition here is people are too broke to shop at Walmart or to shop on line! It's something bad then to cut the food stamps makes it bad for others!

~~~~~Food stamp rule change would strip 3M Americans of SNAP benefits
The Trump administration has announced plans to close a loophole that allows Americans with higher incomes get access to food stamps.

The proposed rule change would strip 3 million Americans of the benefits by hard-capping the minimum income level.
https://www.upi.com/Top_News/US/2019/07/23/Food-stamp-rule-change-would-strip-3M-Americans-of-SNAP-benefits/1061563882109

House passes $15 minimum wage bill or cut back your spending

There is a need to raise the minimum wage being you spend what you earn and if you make nothing you have nothing how does that help anyone with anything if you stay home more often cutting back your spending doing without because the banks under writer tells you "Sorry your income is too low!" Oh well I don't need it and can't afford it anyway! https://jalopnik.com/car-sales-just-keep-plummeting-1834467511

"Had the minimum wage kept pace with labor productivity growth since 1968, this year it would be more than $20 per hour." And it isn't so... I am guessing it's better to just have stores close everywhere in town only because people can't afford it.

~~~~~Gradually raising the minimum wage to $15 would be good for workers, good for businesses, and good for the economy.

We can afford to pay the lowest-paid workers more than they were paid 50 years ago
Raising the national minimum wage is well overdue. Workers today who are paid the federal minimum wage of $7.25 an hour are, after adjusting for inflation, paid 29 percent less than their counterparts 50 years ago. This is despite the fact that the economy’s capacity to deliver higher wages has doubled in the last 50 years, as measured by labor productivity, or the amount of output produced by workers. As Figure A shows, had the minimum wage kept pace with labor productivity growth since 1968, this year it would be more than $20 per hour. Today, however, a single parent earning the current federal minimum wage does not earn enough through full-time work to bring his or her family above the federal poverty line.

Neglect has left the minimum wage far below what the economy could afford
Real and nominal values of the federal minimum wage, and value if it had risen with total economy productivity, 1938–2018, and projected values under the Raise the Wage Act of 2019, 2019–2024.
https://www.epi.org/publication/minimum-wage-testimony-feb-2019

~~~~~House passes $15 minimum wage bill.
The House passed a bill Thursday that would raise the federal minimum wage for the first time in a decade -- but there's little chance the measure will be taken up in the Republican-controlled Senate.
https://www.cnn.com/2019/07/18/politics/minimum-wage-house-vote/index.html

Oklahoma is getting worse, not better in Child Abuse

Oklahoma has always had nothing. Low is low and others go low also because of others living low! Like my college professor liked to say "Education is like the water that covers the poop in a toilet the less you have the more the poop comes out." Nasty is nasty with everyone smelling the poop (Child Abuse along other things!) So this is a real issue said for a reason! No one should keep a bad child hood of abuse silent they should vent about it!

"The Silent Epidemic: Child Sexual Abuse." https://health.usnews.com/health-care/for-better/articles/2018-06-01/the-silent-epidemic-child-sexual-abuse

Well it's true! "Poorest, states have Republican legislatures, and richest have Democratic ones."

https://www.usatoday.com/story/money/columnist/2018/10/21/midterms-poorest-states-have-republican-legislatures/1694273002

So having a low foundation is less resources so in the mess children get it also! "The article identifies factors such as mental health, substance abuse, teenage pregnancy, lack of education, economic stress and generational poverty as contributors to the problem."

~~~~~Child abuse statistics show how budget policy matters (Capitol Updates)

The Tulsa World began a series on child abuse Sunday that reminds us the problem in Oklahoma is getting worse, not better. Last year 15,252 cases of child abuse or neglect were confirmed by the Department of Human Services. That’s compared with 7,248 cases in 2010, and the number has increased every year between 2010 and 2015. Foster care placements have hovered at about 10,500 to 11,000 children since 2013. The article identifies factors such as mental health, substance abuse, teenage pregnancy, lack of education, economic stress and generational poverty as contributors to the problem.

https://okpolicy.org/child-abuse-statistics-show-budget-policy-matters-capitol-updates

Gaps between rich and poor Labor Force Issue!

If you make nothing you have nothing and so if the many out there has nothing it cant make much for anyone! Noted in the saying "Small towns are small for a reason." Why make it they can't afford it anyway? And so a small town full of cheap stuff to carer to the broke!

So having many people out there letting it go walking without cars facing 110 deg global warming summers is a bad thing! Nature doesn't care otherwise! Driving unsafe cars from 20 years ago more likely with rotted breaks as many don't have the $800 for a break job to fix it!

So the point is to show the need for better pay or just have it go lower and what would that be like? A sweaty guy walking to the interview in the 110 deg summer sitting in the chair making it all sweaty like! A true labor force issue in the world of the knowledge economy ending in a poverty crusade of saving all your empty butter milk cartons throwing them all over town reclaiming your town from the city folk! It happens!

~~~~~These 15 countries have the widest gaps between rich and poor
In American politics, the issue of income inequality comes up frequently. As wealth continues to concentrate at the top – now the wealthiest 10% of American households control nearly 75% of household net worth – the middle continues to shrink, and some previously thriving metro areas have been hard hit by extreme poverty.

But income inequality is not a uniquely American issue. Nations from all six populated continents have massive wealth gaps between their richest and poorest residents. Many of the most economically productive countries in the world have not been able to devise a way to stop, or even slow, the growing inequality.

Income inequality across a population is quantified using the Gini coefficient measure. On the Gini scale, inequality is measured from 0 to 1, where 0 represents a perfectly equal society and 1 represents extreme inequality where a single individual controls all the wealth.
https://www.usatoday.com/story/money/2019/05/28/countries-with-the-widest-gaps-between-rich-and-poor/39510157/#

The Health Benefits of Red Clover - Things that help

Red clover? Entwined for your best interest it's red clover!

"Lilac Kisses. - As the lilacs  swayed in the summer breeze
a monarch  floated by with fluttering ease
he landed quite softly with a regal kiss
the lilacs were   now in a crown of bliss

He then went  over to the red  clover
joined by a swallowtail, emerald all over
a gossamer winged had its eye on the dogbane
where a tiger swallowtail had laid it's claim

Then an orange giant skipper alit on the milkweed
probably to lay eggs as this was it's need
Another monarch sailed by me,  close to my lips
I guess I was in the path of its trail of kisses."
https://www.poetrysoup.com/poem/lilac_kisses_384812

~~~~~The Health Benefits of Red Clover
What everyone should know about the benefits of Trifolium pratense.

Red clover (Trifolium pratense) is an herb that belongs to the legume family, which also includes peas and beans. In herbal medicine, red clover is typically used to treat respiratory issues (such as asthma, whooping cough, and bronchitis), skin disorders (such as eczema and psoriasis), inflammatory conditions like arthritis, and women's health problems (such as menopausal and menstrual symptoms).

Red clover's brightly colored flowers contain many nutrients including calcium, chromium, magnesium, niacin, phosphorus, potassium, thiamine, and vitamin C. They're also a rich source of isoflavones. These are compounds that act as phytoestrogens—plant chemicals similar to the female hormone estrogen. Isoflavone extracts are touted as dietary supplements for high cholesterol and osteoporosis in addition to menopausal symptoms.

Health Benefits
In alternative medicine, red clover is said to help with the following conditions. Note, however, that research hasn't shown that the herb is conclusively effective for these or any other health concerns.

Menopausal Symptoms
A number of small studies have been done to see if red clover may help relieve the discomforts of menopause, especially hot flashes. Though you may hear some anecdotal support for this, there has been no conclusive evidence to back it up.

In fact, a research review conducted in 2013 notes that phytoestrogen treatments (including red clover) are not proven to effectively alleviate menopausal symptoms.

Ways to Relieve Menopausal Hot Flashes
Bone Loss
Research is ongoing as to whether isoflavones lower the loss of bone mineral density in postmenopausal women. Red clover is one source of supplements used in some studies.

A review done in 2016 concluded there may be some beneficial effects on bone health, while a 2017 review found that different formulations of red clover may be effective or ineffective.

Cancer
Preliminary research suggests that red clover may help reduce the risk of prostate cancer. In a 2009 study of prostate cancer cells, scientists found that treatment with red clover led to a decrease in the prostate-specific antigen (PSA), a protein found at elevated levels in men with prostate cancer.

However, because of the estrogen-like effects of red clover, it could promote the growth of cancers that are boosted by estrogen, such as breast cancer and endometrial cancer.

Heart Disease
A few clinical trials have looked at the effects of red clover on the development of risk factors for heart disease in postmenopausal women, with no strong evidence that it helps, reports Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center.

Keep in mind that, due to the lack of long-term studies, it's too soon to recommend red clover for any condition. It's also important to note that self-treating a condition and avoiding or delaying standard care may have serious consequences.

Selection and Preparation
Red clover is available in a variety of preparations, including teas, tinctures, tablets, capsules, liquid extract, and extracts standardized to specific isoflavone contents. It's not always clear, however, that a product contains the promised isoflavone content.

One study found large differences between red clover products in this regard—differences that can significantly impact absorption rates, permeability, and metabolism of various isoflavones within these products.

Sometimes red clover is the sole ingredient in products, but it's also often available mixed with other herbs. When using commercial products, follow the package instructions carefully.

Extracts of red clover isoflavones are different from the whole herb, and in fact, represent only a small, highly concentrated—and likely bioactive—part of the entire herb. As the researcher in the product study mentioned above notes, "the widespread use of self-administered isoflavones is somewhat unsettling since much remains to be proven including efficacy and possible side effects."

Making Red Clover Tea
You can also make tea from dried flower heads. Some proponents claim that to get the full benefit of red clover you need to use the whole flower, and not commercial red clover isoflavones, which many studies use.

To make a tea, use one to three teaspoons of dried red clover flowers for every cup of simmering (not boiling) water. Let steep for 15 minutes. Drink up to three cups of tea a day.

Possible Side Effects
Although red clover appears to be safe for short-term use, long-term or regular use may be linked to increased risk of cancer of the lining of the uterus.

Women who are pregnant or breastfeeding, along with anyone with hormone-sensitive cancers, which may be accelerated by phytoestrogens, should avoid red clover.

Interactions
Red clover has blood-thinning abilities and can increase the effects of anticoagulant and antiplatelet drugs. Avoid taking it with blood thinners like Coumadin (warfarin) and stop taking it at least two weeks prior to surgery.

The herb may also interact with birth control pills due to the hormone-like actions of its isoflavones.

Red clover causes toxic effects when taken with methotrexate, a drug used to treat certain types of cancer and to control severe psoriasis or rheumatoid arthritis.

If you're considering using red clover, make sure to consult your physician first to avoid problematic drug-herb interactions.

Self-treatment should not exceed three to six months without the supervision of a healthcare professional.
https://www.verywellhealth.com/the-benefits-of-red-clover-89577

Bipolar disorder may cause progressive brain damage

Left untreated should not be a country lifestyle. Or ok for a woman to be a victim training her brain to be psychotic as in the saying "The wife starts a yelling I go fishing!" leaving her to her own devices. Divorcing her husband in time! Yes women tend to not like to be codependent and so will act accordingly.

But in many cases in the world today they don't really know something is wrong. 
"Many familiar mental illnesses such as depression and anxiety are more common in women than in men. And unfortunately, women sometimes live with a mental illness for months, even years, before seeking treatment. At times, this is because they don’t even realize the severity of the problem until life spirals out of control. Due to today’s busy lifestyle, women may chalk symptoms up to stress or burnout, when they actually have a bigger problem."
https://www.clearviewwomenscenter.com/blog/warning-signs-mental-illness

https://medium.com/invisible-illness/transient-psychotic-episodes-what-to-do-when-someone-needs-help-791da4d89904

~~~~~Study suggests bipolar disorder may cause progressive brain damage
A study by researchers at the San Francisco VA Medical Center indicates that people with bipolar disorder may suffer progressive brain damage.

“For the first time, our study supports the idea that there may be on-going damage to certain regions of the brain as the illness progresses,” said the study’s lead author Raymond Deicken, MD. Deicken is the medical director of the Psychiatric Partial Hospital Program at the San Francisco VA Medical Center and UCSF associate professor of psychiatry.

The study appears in the May issue of the American Journal of Psychiatry.

More than 2 million Americans suffer from bipolar disorder, commonly known as manic depression. To date, there are no physiological markers used to diagnose the disease. Instead, it is identified by behavioral symptoms, including frequent mood swings between high-energy mania and severe depression.

Deicken and his colleagues compared brain scans of 15 non-symptomatic male patients with familial bipolar I disorder to those of 20 healthy male comparison subjects. Male subjects were chosen to control for the effects of gender.  In addition, test subjects were chosen based on several previous studies showing -that patients who have inherited the disorder have more prominent changes in brain structure and function.

Researchers determined chemical signatures of different brain structures in these two groups using proton magnetic resonance spectroscopy. One finding focused on the level of an amino acid called N-acetylaspartate, or NAA, in the hippocampus, which is made up of a right and left half and is part of a complex of neural circuits in the brain that regulate emotion and memory. 

The study found significantly lower concentrations of NAA in the right hippocampus of males with bipolar disorder when compared to the control group. They also found that for the right hippocampus, bipolar patients who had the disease the longest had the lowest levels of the amino acid.  This association between length of illness and NAA appears to be confined to certain brain regions since it was not found in previous studies that involved the frontal lobe and thalamus.

NAA is the second most abundant amino acid-next to glutamate-present in brain tissue. It is a biochemical indicator of the presence of neurons and axons, plays an important role in the synthesis of neuronal proteins, and is a precursor of myelin, which acts as insulation around neurons in the brain.

“Low NAA is an indication that the integrity of neurons and/or axons has been compromised in some way, either by damage, loss or dysfunction,” Deicken said. The decrease of hippocampal NAA over time in the test subjects indicates a progressive nature of this disease. Decreasing levels of NAA are also seen in neurodegenerative diseases like Alzheimer’s disease, Parkinson’s disease, and multiple sclerosis.

According to Deicken, the findings also confirm the important role of the hippocampus in bipolar disorder. Brain imaging studies of patients suffering from major depression have demonstrated smaller hippocampi. Given that bipolar disorder also affects mood and emotion, it is not surprising that this study provides evidence for hippocampal damage or dysfunction in the disorder. 

The hippocampus is also important from a therapeutic standpoint since it is one of two brain regions where new neuronal growth, or neurogenesis, can occur, offering hope for reversal of damage.

NAA measurements may also help us to understand how medications work in bipolar disorder. “Lithium has been around for a long time and nobody really knows how it works,” Deicken said.  However, he points out that long-term lithium treatment has been recently shown to exert powerful protective effects in the rat brain, including damage from stroke.  It has also been shown in humans to increase both the amount of NAA and gray matter in the brain.

Finally, Deicken predicts that the monitoring of NAA levels will become invaluable in the evaluation of treatments for bipolar disorder and other psychiatric diseases-such as schizophrenia and major depression-which involve neuronal loss or dysfunction. “We’ll know we’re onto a potential treatment if a medication or other intervention manages to boost low levels of NAA toward more normal values, indicating neuronal repair or a recovery of function,” Deicken said.
https://www.ucsf.edu/news/2003/05/97207/study-suggests-bipolar-disorder-may-cause-progressive-brain-damage