Being in love with a married lady might be seen as bad being as norm.
But having a other with the best interest of the wife is a good thing.
Love is of a higher value than just horny, heated going to forgotten
and a regret of why did I do it! There is also a why didn't I do it, kind
of regret... hurt, hurt!
But the point is it's about her best interest in mind, and to not hurt but to have that
what is needed for the wife. The wife being supported and loved and the change and
outlook from that is way worth it!
Being who you are is worth it, not locked
up with a husband spending the rest of
his life trying to control the wife.
And in her spending her life trying to
control her life and her needs.
It's a mental unbalance of
their personal hell! People in hell
wants ice and how long is the wait?
The wife is not the husbands personal
slave. Really try saying to your
wife "I love you so much I want you to
be my personal slave being a slave
with no one but me!" True and a point
of her being a prisoner.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AS_PEAr7FD0
The better option for all is to be open and that is open talk with each other!
It's knowing it will be good for her and seeing the good in her.
This is the trust part! And I do need to say if you can't trust the wife
then you will have to join her as the point is not to abandon her.
Let her get what she needs in a open relationship.
The wife having her needs met makes all better than not being met making
everything worse for all! Support is better than not having any!
Trust is a beautiful thing, following the agreements seeing the change
in the wife walking down the road of life learning also and it's good for all.
The same as her other giving love and support is also like being her
rubber ducky and being ok with that! Her duckling and her knowing it is hers
in a hard time in need!
Healing!
~~~~Building Trust in Open Relationships
Trust is the cornerstone of every good relationship. It is the
foundation of a strong bond.
To trust another person is to feel a sense
of security that someone has your back, the confidence that they’ll be
there for you when you need them, and the comfort of knowing that
whatever you face in life, you’re not alone. Trust is a bedrock of
emotional support, a catalyst for open and honest communication, and one
of the most important aspects of an open relationship.
Act With Integrity
In monogamous relationships, trust and integrity are bound to
emotional and physical monogamy with a partner. To break this monogamy
would severely compromise the trust in the relationship. The
prerequisite of monogamy doesn’t hold in open relationships, however
conducting yourself with integrity is even more important in building
trust, simply because negative feelings like jealousy, fear of
abandonment, and not measuring up are far more likely to crop up in
non-traditional relationships.
Many of the negative emotions we experience in our relationships
manifest because of our fear of the unknown. Uncertainty surfaces when
we can’t predict with reasonable accuracy how our partners will act in a
given situation. This uncertainty breeds fear and distress as our minds
automatically jump to the worst case scenario. This is especially true
when trust is low, communication is poor, or the relationship is new and
you’re still getting to know one another. Over time, we construct
mental schemas of our partners based on experience. Assuming that the
relationship is a healthy one, uncertainty diminishes as we get to know
our partners more intimately and refine our predictions accordingly.
Until that stage however, our predictions are cobbled together from our
previous relationship experiences, social and cultural norms, and
projection of our own values and fears onto our partners. Whenever our
partners conform to our positive predictions, trust grows. When they
fall short, our trust and confidence in them and in the relationship is
shaken. When our expectations are seriously violated, trust is
shattered.
One way to reduce uncertainty and dissolve emotional negativity is to
act with integrity. By acting in a way that is consistent with the
boundaries of your particular relationship and your partner’s emotional
wellbeing, you build a track record of trust. With a strong bond of
trust, your partner can be confident in the knowledge that you will act
in their best interests and not hurt them.
Although you may consistently operate within your relationship
boundaries, there will always be times in a relationship – especially an
open relationship – where uncertainty is unavoidable. It’s impossible
to define every single relationship boundary upfront, but situations
with no pre-established boundaries are no excuse for breaking your
partner’s trust. If an explicit boundary does not exist, common sense
should prevail. Whenever you find yourself in uncharted relationship
territory, consider the following questions:
- Would I say or do this if my partner were here, sitting right next to me?
- How would I feel if my partner did to me what I’m considering?
If the answers are “no” and “hurt”, then it’s immediately apparent
where the ethical choice and the right choice for maintaining a healthy,
trusting relationship lies.
Communicate Your Intentions Clearly
In Western society, the typical relationship prototype is a
heterosexual monogamous relationship with a view to life partnership,
marriage, and having children. Whether or not you personally identify or
agree with this particular relationship style is irrelevant; this is
the default assumption that will be bestowed upon you by partners unless
you explicitly declare otherwise. If your ideal relationship falls
outside of these parameters and you cannot or choose not to conform to
the default, then make sure that you are damn clear about that upfront.
There’s no faster way to destroy trust than to violate someone’s deeply
held expectations of their relationship with you.
Your choice to deviate from a vanilla relationship style will
sometimes mean that the people who you want to connect with will choose
not to connect with you. Not everyone wants the same things out of their
relationships, and other people have the absolute right to connect or
disconnect from you based on whether your desires match their own. Be
prepared for this, and do not fall into the trap of sugar-coating your
intentions based on your hormones. Never lie to people just to get what
you want. Pay them the respect of being honest with them about your
desires and expectations. Your personal integrity and another person’s
emotional wellbeing are worth far more than an inauthentic connection.
Be Your Authentic Self
When you’re just starting out in a relationship, it’s standard
practise to be on your best behaviour. Putting your best foot forward
is just good marketing. Taking an interest in things which you haven’t
previously been exposed to is open-minded and pro-growth. These things
are a far cry from pretending to be someone you’re not. Lying about
yourself, your past, circumstances, intentions, desires, interests or
anything else with a view to coerce or manipulate another person for
your own gain is underhanded, deceitful, and the height of disrespect to
your partner.
If you need to lie about or hide anything from your partner for fear
that they’ll leave you if they knew, then they don’t love YOU. They may
love the mask that you’re showing them, but you know deep down that it’s
just a mask. You’ll never have that security or peace of mind that
comes from someone knowing and loving the REAL you.
Wouldn’t you rather be with someone who loves and accepts the real
you, as opposed to someone whose feelings for you are built upon a
foundation of lies?
Listen to Understand
It’s a fact of life that you and your partner will have the
occasional misunderstanding. They’ll take something you say or do the
wrong way. They’ll have an unwavering point of view on a subject that is
bewilderingly uninformed. They’ll react to a benign situation with
jealousy, anger, or distress. They’ll be upset because you’ve neglected
to do something that is of negligible importance to you, but vitally
important to them. At some stage during your relationship, you’ll
experience all of the above and more. Regardless of how off-base or
irrational you deem your partner’s feelings to be, to your partner those
feelings are both real and intense. Hear them out and work through them
together if you want to keep the lines of honest communication open,
your trust strong, and your relationship healthy. It doesn’t matter if
you disagree with your partner’s opinion. Agreement is not a
prerequisite to attentive listening, compassion, and desire to
understand a point of view that differs from your own. When we feel
threatened emotionally or physically, we default to a flight-or-fight
mentality which is counter-productive to healthy communication. Instead
of running or attacking, try to realise that your partner just wants to
be heard and understood. Sweeping misunderstandings under the carpet
doesn’t make them go away. Nor does angrily backing your partner into
the “you’re-wrong-and-an-asshole” corner and giving it to them both
barrels loaded. So give your partner a safe forum to discuss their
concerns without judgment or anger and to have their feelings validated
and respected. Treat them with the same love and respect as what you
would want them to show you if the roles were reversed.
Go for Win-Win
Relationships are not competitive. When you fall prey to the I’m
right/you’re wrong dichotomy, you’re left with a corrosive power
imbalance that will eat away at the relationship. Generally, the most
stubborn, aggressive, or dominant personality will get their way in a
relationship, while the easygoing, passive or submissive personality
will concede in order to keep the peace. If you are the stronger
personality in the relationship, these interactions may feel like a
temporary win. You get “one-up” and “your way”, but there are hidden
costs to these win-lose interactions that slink by unnoticed. A
consistent win-lose approach will drive cracks of resentment deep into
your relationship’s foundation and chip away at your bond of trust.
Power dynamics within a relationship are difficult to shift once
established, and without due care that both parties are equally
represented in conflict resolution, the relationship is in for one hell
of a rude shock once the under-represented party blows their stack.
Instead of trying to be top-dog and win arguments to your partner’s
detriment, try guiding your disagreements towards a more constructive
win-win approach. With win-win thinking, both partners feel heard and
respected rather than resentful and downtrodden. Often, it is possible
to reach a compromise in which both parties come away happy and have
their needs met.
Trust takes persistence and cumulative, sustained effort to build,
but only an instant to break. Don’t let the hard work you put into
building a great relationship be ripped apart at the seams by a moment
of thoughtlessness.
http://www.climbtherainbow.com/2014/01/building-trust-in-open-relationships
