As I say it's best to really be honest with each other. Throughout history it's always
the same, having a secret affair ending in some hostile PTSD! Why?
Society does grow up over time as in the red scare back then vs looking
at society today in people not wanting wars but their 5G connections, gay marriages
all around freedom to live without a cost to others. It's a time to be brought up!
Life is short! if you are 50 then 50 years are gone and you have 20 to go before
you hit 70! Accepting each others needs is something that people should be thinking
about otherwise the relationship is just a form of being a prisoner until the end
not being well adjusted! There is that need to accept it's a fail and to fix it!
Polyandry? Well there is nothing worse than the male ego going awry.
Polygyny is like a drunk redneck at a country concert nothing good comes from that.
So having two men that accept each other for the females best interest seems more
educated by proxy as the men realize it's not about them it's about her!
And so is the point of healing to make a better life for all!
~~~~~Real life story: My husband let my boyfriend move in
Married for seven years, but incompatible in bed, Holly Ritchey, asked her husband if he’d mind her dating other people.
So, with his blessing, the mum-of-three from Maryland, US, set about finding another lover.
And, last month, Dan – who doesn’t want to date anyone else – gave permission for his wife’s boyfriend to move in with them.
“Walking up the aisle in March 2006, there was no doubt in my mind Dan was the only man I’d spend my life with,” Holly, 36, says.
“In my long white dress and tiara, it was all pretty traditional. Now we’re anything but!”
When the couple met nine years ago, Holly already had two grown up adopted children from a previous relationship.
And, after they married, she and Dan, now 37, went on to adopt another girl. But although she loved her husband, there was that issue in the bedroom.
“The internet offered loads of solutions,” Holly says. “Affairs, swinging, open marriage. There was no way I’d cheat on Dan though. And I didn’t just want meaningless sex. I wanted an emotional connection too.”
In 2013, she came across polyamory online. It means having loving relationships with more than one person.
Nervous, she broached it with Dan, but he actually thought it was a great idea. “He told me his goal in life was to make me happy,” Holly says.
She joined a dating website, writing honestly about her circumstances, and was soon bombarded with messages.
One guy stood out. Will had been in an open marriage for 20 years.
Holly says: “I worried Dan would be jealous, but he was so supportive. Before my first date with Will, I gave Dan a twirl and asked him I looked. And when Will and I split after six months, Dan held me as I cried, promised me I’d find someone else.”
He was right, because in January this year, Holly started dating Tom Harryman, 40.
He’d never been with anyone polyamorous before, but a few weeks into their relationship, Holly took him home to meet her husband.
“As the three of us chatted, Dan turned to me and whispered, ‘I have a good feeling about this one,’” Holly recalls. Soon after, Tom stayed over.
He admitted it felt weird, knowing her husband was just down the hall, but it didn’t put him off. Realising it was love, Holly began to split her time equally between Dan and Tom - and last month Holly asked Dan if Tom could move in.
Her husband happily agreed and the trio became housemates on June 1.
“We decided to each have our own room and, when I want to, I invite one of them to sleep over,” Holly explains. “To make sure I don’t neglect either of them, we have a schedule.
“Some nights I’ll go out with Tom, others with Dan. Two nights a week we all play competitive pub trivia.
“The three of us hang out together too, eating dinner or curling up on the sofa in front of a film.” Occasionally they’ll all go to an exhibition or event.
“I’m not shy about holding both of their hands when we’re out in public,” Holly adds.
“Course we get a few funny looks but I don’t care. I’ll happily give Tom a kiss in front of Dan, and visa versa.” But are there any arguments over the bathroom?
“My house has three and a half bathrooms, so no fights,” Holly smiles. “They each have a basket of personal items in the master bathroom so they don't have to go searching for things when they have a sleepover.
“Personal space hasn't been a problem either, since everyone has their own bedroom and another private area somewhere in the house to retreat to, if needed.
"Dan has his office in a basement room, I have a craft desk on the main floor, and Tom has a painting desk in the basement common area.
"So we can shut our bedroom doors, or go hide in another part of the house if alone time is required.”
All their friends and family are fully supportive, and the trio couldn’t be happier with their little family.
“Of course, having two relationships instead of one can be an emotional rollercoaster!” Holly says. “I’ve got two people’s needs to deal with.
"But I feel lucky at the same time. I have two wonderful men, both who treat me like a princess!”
