So in a relationship there needs to be a foundation, best interest in mind. And know love has no boundaries but then that is ok if it makes you a better person then it's worth it! Lovers, love the point for all to do better in our short lives together! Me from being interested in a few black women from here and Germany. A married lady that accidentally ran me over with her car to another lady I raced on the highway so I could pay her toll. (Strange Attractors, Quantum Entanglement whats the odds of it all!) A hairdresser that took me to a gay bar on the first date it was her safe zone! To a lesbian couple. On and on I go. Why disable yourself?
Strange Attractors? Isn't life better to be better as a whole to not be disturbed! Balance, best interest in mind because we all would benefit as a whole. Noting the cipolla matrix in a point of being lovers! "System values that get close enough to the attractor values remain close even if slightly disturbed." , "Quantum entanglement is a physical phenomenon that occurs when pairs or groups of particles are generated, interact, or share spatial proximity in ways such that the quantum state of each particle cannot be described independently of the state of the other(s), even when the particles are separated by a large distance." Cannot be described independently of the state of the other(s)? No man is an island. No one is self-sufficient; everyone relies on others. This saying comes from a sermon by the seventeenth-century English author John Donne.
~~~~~FIVE (5) RULES to find balance in your Relationship.
1. Over Comunicate
Good communication is an important part of all relationships and is an essential part of any healthy partnership — it is arguably the single most important factor in all human interaction. People often confuse communication for talking or making conversation, and this is the root cause of why many of these same people are so unsuccessful in communicating with their partners. Communication in relationships, at its core, is about connecting and using your verbal, written (eg. text messages) and physical skills to fulfill your partner’s needs.
“Whether you’re dealing with something as simple as discussing where to have dinner or the complications of conflict, you should at all times express your honest feelings and needs, even if you think the other person won’t like what they hear!”
Talk to each other! No matter how well you know and/or love each other, you cannot read the other person’s mind. It’s always better to over-communicate and to doit right away, instead of allowing frustrations to grow over time.
Even in the workplace, although you may have to be more formal or diplomatic when choosing your words, frank and candid communication is absolutely key.
Whenever possible, this honesty needs to be coupled with specificity. When we speak in vague terms, communication can fail. It’s not enough to tell someone you feel unappreciated, you have to give examples of specific incidents that made you feel that way and what you would have liked to have happened instead.
2. Give and Take
‘Give and take’ is a mechanism inherent to all personal relationships — you cannot expect to receive something if you don’t offer on your own turn.
“I personally like to think of it as a 51/49 exchange —always be willing to give a little more than what you expect in return!”
Just as you need to be open about your thoughts and desires, you must be prepared to listen to everyone else’s as well. And if you are actually in the position to make decisions that affect both of you, make sure to take their perspective into account.
Try to find areas of agreement. When in doubt, compromise. For example, if you both want to watch a movie try to find one that you both enjoy, even if it’s not the one you wanted to see the most. Or each of you pick a movie and make a marathon out of it. If you don’t have time for a marathon, start taking turns over a period of weeks. You can even get creative by discussing your priorities. If what you eat is actually more important to you than what you watch, you take care of dinner and your significant other can take care of choosing the entertainment. Experiment and find the system that works the best for both of you.
3. Manage Expectations
Every individual, every situation and every relationship is different. We are in a constant state of learning about one another and since people grow and change, the lessons never stop. The first step in finding more balance is to assume you know nothing!
People will never be what we want them to be in our fantasies, or what we thought they were when we first met. They might not be who you thought they were the day before. That is what makes people so beautiful. Appreciate the unknown instead of trying control it.
Next, don’t try and make someone your everything. Your partner might be your best friend, but perhaps he/she shouldn’t be your only friend. Don’t assume your closest gal pal, who is also your business partner and roommate, will always be there when you need them!
“Don’t expect one person to always understand you, agree with you, support you and be available to do things with you. No relationship can bare that kind of pressure!”
Deploy kindness and give each other space!
4. Trust Always (until you don’t)
If you’re like me, then trust should not necessarily be earned — which means everyone is innocent until proven guilty. Or, in other words, leave the baggage at the door. Whatever you think you’ve learned about relationships or human nature from past relationships can be unfair to apply to someone new.
“Let your partner’s actions and words speak for themselves!”
Even if you understand what they do, don’t make the mistake of assuming you know ‘why’ they do it just because you have experienced something similar with someone else. That’s not empathy, that’s projecting!!
If you want to understand someone’s thinking or motivation, just ask them, And when you don’t like what someone does, don’t jump to conclusions and assume they were motivated by malicious intent. It could be as simple as miscommunication — perhaps their intentions were good. So ask, listen and try to understand where they are coming from.
5. Encourage One Another.
Last but not least, try to encourage and support each other. It is the foundation of any good and lasting relationship, which is in part achieved by helping each other grow. Be actively interested in their goals and ambitions, even if the subject or activity isn’t your personal favorite.
~~~~~How To Create A Balanced Relationship With Your Partner
1. Communicate
Andrew Zaeh for Bustle
The first step towards creating balance is one that you've probably heard before. "Communicate: this involves both speaking and listening," relationship coach at Maze of Love, Lauren Irish, tells Bustle. "Without open lines of two-way communication, the relationship will be out of balance because only one partner is really being heard and considered. So be sure to really listen when your partner is sharing and don't be afraid to share! The whole point of a relationship is to co-create an environment where both people complement each other, if each person isn't contributing or isn't able to contribute, the relationship will likely be one-sided."
2. Accept Disagreement
Andrew Zaeh for Bustle
Having a balanced relationship doesn't mean you agree on everything — in fact, it can be just the opposite. "Be willing to disagree: a balanced relationship isn't conflict-free, conflict can help to restore balance through getting bottled emotions out in the open or it can act as a venue for sharing different perspectives," Irish says. "The key to disagreeing effectively is to not attack the other person and maintain respect on both sides."
Make room to disagree, try to understand each other's point of view, and debate with respect. You don't need to be the same person, you just need to hear each other out.
3. Find Your Unique Balance
Andrew Zaeh for Bustle
Not every relationship is going to be balanced in the same way. "Know what balance looks like in your relationship: Every relationship is unique and will have different points of balance," Irish says. "Take time to figure out what's important to you and where you're willing to compromise. If you stay true to your values, you'll find a balance that works for you." It might not look like someone else's relationship — and that's OK.
4. Be Authentically You
Andrew Zaeh for Bustle
If your relationship is going to have true balance, you both need to be authentic. "Any time you are not authentically yourself it's a sign that you are not truly comfortable in a relationship," relationship therapist Aimee Hartstein, LCSW tells Bustle. "If you are hiding things, embarrassed about things, faking things, it suggests that you don't feel that [your partner] will truly like you for yourself." Being authentic shows that you feel supported in the relationship — and your partner should feel able to do the same.
5. Consult And Consider Each Other
Andrew Zaeh for Bustle
You might not always do what the other one wants, but having a balanced relationship means taking them into consideration. "
If your partner regularly makes relationship decisions without consulting you or incorporating your needs, desires, and preferences into the decision making process, they care more about getting their way than they do about creating harmony in the relationship," Adam Maynard, a relationship coach who specializes in helping people navigate relationship challenges, tells Bustle "They also hold more of the power because their needs are regularly being prioritized." If only one of you is thinking about the other, there's no balance.
6. Be Independent
Andrew Zaeh for Bustle
Having a balanced relationship isn't just about balance between the two of you, it's also about having balance between your relationship and the rest of your life. "It’s incredibly important for both partners to maintain a sense of independence outside of their relationship," Jalesa Tucker, a content coordinator at One Love, a foundation dedicated to teaching young people about healthy and unhealthy relationships, tells Bustle. "By engaging in activities independent of each other, couples are better able to maintain their sense of self and bring diverse experiences to their relationship."
7. Take Space When You Need It
Andrew Zaeh for Bustle
Being in a balanced relationship doesn't mean your relationship is always going to feel perfect. There may be times when you need to take a bit of space or when you're not feeling 100 percent, over-the-moon crazy about each other. That's OK. Riding that ebb and flow of a relationship is part of maintaining balance.
A balanced relationship is a healthy relationship — it's about being equal partners and making sure that you're both feeling comfortable and supported. But it's also about making sure there's independence. The trick is to keep checking in and communicating, that way you can fix an issues or tensions that come up, before they throw the balance off.
https://www.bustle.com/p/how-to-create-a-balanced-relationship-with-your-partner-8882248 <---- (48?)
