Tuesday, August 1, 2017

Banquet Servers

(This is a disclaimer. This story has TMI. Just be aware!)
A biography of my hotel years!

I am sure you heard the saying before, "What happens at the Hotel stays at the Hotel!"
Why? Well it's to protect the hotels interest many rich people spend much time and
money at a hotel, so to keep other rich people or the press from getting info that
would distrust the rich person that would go to the hotel the bad behavior that person did
is hushed! Also it's just more of a hotel worker pride!

But some things are just too funny to hush. Like "some" of my stories! (Not all.)

etiquette that is followed.
Women first etc. http://www.wisegeek.org/what-is-proper-serving-etiquette.htm
But to me a person with much money is the same as the other customers.
If you where rich you got served like everyone else! 

***I worked a banquet once and I had a table with the KOCH brothers.
At the time did did not know much about them this was the 90's.
I served them coffee, (If I ever knew!) but I treated them like everyone else.
Money did not out due the standard I was running by.

Funny TMI!

***In the 90's I had a hard time with a past High School girl I fell for.
We ran into each other in college and dated but my feelings where not her feelings.
I ran into her again at the Hotel I was working at. We went on a date again and
I found out she was moving to Chicago so this was a real downer!

That day I could not take off the day from work to go on a date all day.
I worked at a hotel and it was a big thing they had going on.

When I got there I found out it was a banquet with a famous lady actress from the 80's
I liked to watch. The show was about an Angel that lived in the closet, that would
come out to help a boy deal with things.

Sort of fitting! She was doing the motivational speaking thing there.
During her thing she came up to me and wanted to get my coffee pot so she could
run around to serve coffee to people, being motivational.
I quickly showed her how to do it safely without getting hot coffee on someone.
She later told me I was the first one that let her do it! Thanks she said.

the 90's I was working at the Marriott hotel and we had a banquet server
from Haiti she told me she was a Voodoo Priestess there. One night I broke a light that
was close to the food tray I quickly cleaned it up but there was a piece of glass still
behind the tray and she cut her hand bad. When I got home after work, overnight
someone broke into my car. So the next time I saw her I apologized to her.
No disrespect I know there is more to life than we know!

***Back in the 90's there was a tragic comedy with a dishwasher and a goose! It happened before I worked there. There was a special needs dishwasher with a caseworker with him that was at the cater-out. And there was a pond with ducks and geese on the property. My co workers told me about it. They said he was eyeing the geese a lot when they where setting up so he had his eye on the goose for a long time. The banquet room was in a atrium with full view of the pond. Well the dish washer got away and ended up in the pond going after the goose. With everyone looking on he bit the goose by the neck and was pulling on it. The co-workers told me it was like a "Rubber Twizzler!" People went running and college girls that where there where freaking out crying etc. Tragic yes but part about the "Rubber Twizzler" along with afterward on the radio in the kitchen some songs came on relating to what happened points to it being funny. In the Air Tonight - "Well I was there and I saw what you did, I saw it with my own two eyes So you can wipe off that grin, I know where you've been It's all been a pack of lies." Hall and Oates - Changed song to what happen because the goose was on his list! - "(Because your GOOSE) your GOOSE is on my list Because your GOOSE is on my list of the best things in life!" Is it really wrong to LOL about it? It's sad it happened but... I found out I talked to the manager and they cooked more cookies for the staff at the place we worked at to smooth things over. It was a few years since the hotel did a cater out there, they were banned there after the goose incident. So I was working there for the first time since they where banned. * I need to note he was a special needs person and those thing are bound to happen sometime time to time.

***In the 90's there was a lady worker that was goofy, over sensitive.
"I don't like the way you eat food, I don't like the way you drink, don't like the way
you sit in the chair, etc..." She was bugging be once and she always carried a
note pad with her. So when she got on me again I told her a bunch of BS.
Like I cooked a dog on a grill. I told her I just threw it on the hot grill and closed
it real fast it yelled a lot but the dog was kind of good, but tough I said!

Sure enough she took the notes as I dished out the BS until she said no more.
I thought this was the end of her microscopic criticism. Until six years later when
I went to get another job, it turns out she took the papers to the NLRB so
they ended up being tagged to a file somewhere to me. When I went to the
job interview the boss was shocked at the file as he read on he figgered
the lady had problems. He asked me if I cooked a dog on the grill? NO! LOL!
So I told him what happened six years ago. I didn't know anything about it
being on the NLRB. I don't know why no one told me anything.
That is how it is in my state. People like that back then I would just ignore
and let them burnout over their microscopic criticism.
"Let the crazies be crazies, can't make them not!"

Also at Marriott hotel this table I was working at had a banquet was full
of sort of redneck / south women and they where bugging me
a lot, nothing was good for them. This lady at the table wanted something she said
hold out your hand, look at this, it was a over heated bread roll dry as anything.
I looked at it and there was a plant next to me at the time.
So I grabbed the plant lifting it up and threw the roll down in the bottom
of the pot and put the plant back and with my water pitcher gave it
some water and went on. She later got the banquet manager and
told him to look under the plant and he did I never seen him laugh so hard.
From that time on he would tell me to give no rubber biscuits out today!

Soon after the "Rubber Biscuit" incident I got put in to coat check.
We had some kind of banquet for lawyers. With me sitting at my table
at the coat check this drunk lady lawyer sat on my table and
we talked a bit. Well she did look kind of nice and her butt was on my table
so I ended up looking at her butt, when at that right moment the banquet manager
walked around the corner WTF! There I am looking at this ladies butt!
So the manager called me over there. What are you doing? LOL!
I told him she just sat down and I couldn't help it, look at her!
I remember he asked me what kind of car does she drive?
I said a BMW I think, and he told me go for it! But at the time I was 20
something, so I did not have a clue! I kind of wish that cougar would
of pounced on me because I missed out of a free spirit!
And I am sure I would of stabilized her more. It wasn't about money,
I saw it as she was a keeper. Like to have her in my life.
My life would be better also, as in balance the two would be on the same plank.
So the two would be the same. Something like that.
(Ladies we are clueless, women need to pounce sometimes, we don't know!)
But, not to be! I'm not meant to be with her.

***Also at the hotel in the 90's I was a bartender from time to time.
The cougar drink in the 90s was a Muppet.
"Pour equal parts tequila and 7-up into a shot glass.
Place palm over the glass,
hit it on the table (to stir), and shoot."

I had a drunk slurring 50ish lady ask me for a Muppet.
She was attractive and rich. So I couldn't help it.
I said "What do you want to do with that Muppet?"
Sort of flirting with her, like hitting on her.
She said "Im going to drink it......... Hay!"

This is a big no, no in the hotel you don't mess with
the rich people like that. But I couldn't help with a drunk cougar,
there is just something funny about it! Kind of hits your heart!

***Sad but there was a rich lady that sort of had a breakdown.
Her husband had passed away and she rented the top sweet for a month
with her hubs money. Well when she finally got booted out, ran out of money
they found out she painted a door on the wall and that was where her dead husband
would come out of the wall and talk to her. Before that was known the workers
just thought of her as strange. I ended up running a room service call at her room.
She wanted campaign and I ended up having to give it to her through
the crack of the door. She wouldn't open the door all the way. Oh the fun at work!

And years later when he said he did that in his past, I said "What the Hell!" Life is funny!

Working a early banquet breakfast they had a poached egg with their meal
in a ramekin on the plate. With him being tired this lady asked him what that was.
(We didn't know it's too early!) he told her it was sour cream.
Well a bit later she got to that part and found out it was a egg.
She said out loud "That's not sour cream that's an egg" and another guy
said who told you that. And at that right moment he came into the room
with coffee and the lady pointed at him and said "He said it, there he is right there!" 

***I worked the PGA in the 1990's. We had all the network executives around,
all the old time, new time gofers walking around. It was Caddy Shack, I lived it!
Tiger Woods and a old time gofer happened to come down the elevator to the lobby
at the same time. A bunch of fans came up to ask for autographs and they all went to
Tiger woods. And the old time gofer went up back to his room. It was just bad timing!

***In the early 90's I hung up on a bomb threat four times!

***After a banquet during clean up this worker sort of redneckish lost his tray and it
tipped over too much and the glasses all fell, and broke.
I ran up to him in my banquet sever TUX and with a stupid / like it blew my mind redneck
look on my face said "God Damnnnnn, God Damnnnnn, God Damnnnnn"
The the boss said stop doing that. And I said ok sorry and went back to work!
And the co-worker laughed his ass off after that.
It was just one of those funny things out of the blue I did in the 90's.

***Also for the time in the 90's at the hotel there was a new lady that started
that night, she was ebony and being the humor of something like the brothers
(The Houseman) for the time, (You have to know how it was in the 90's)
I thought it would be funky, fucked up if I told her I was related to Jeffrey Dahmer,
even though I'm not. This was the 90's with all that he did coming out so I said...
"Ya I'm kind of down, well they said my cousin killed a bunch of people...
Jeffrey Dahmer, I don't know!" then I walked away with my head down!
Her eyes where bugged out! She was new and didn't know to believe me or not.
Just another thing I did out of the blue!

***In the late 90's we where working Easter brunch. Well this other co-worker
was going around serving coffee one table at a time going down the line.
That's how it works in a hotel. Well this "Fat lady" wanted coffee and she was rude
so he told her to "Chill out Lady." and before he could say anything else
her face turned red, her blood pressure was boom!
She stormed off asking where the manager was. "Manager, Manager?"
So he took off to the back and went upstairs where I was working a function.
And he told me what happened so really I did not want him
to get fired over a temporary issue so I switched places with him to give some
"Chill out time" I was hiding him! He really is not a bad, rude worker and that
lady sounded like to me had issues, workers don't need to walk on egg shells
at work! So being how Hotels work in real life I hid him!
Over a hour latter the lady was gone and things cooled down
and we switched back.

***In the 90's in the back storeroom of the banquet department I accidentally bumped
a helium tank making it tip over I didn't get to it in time and the valve hit just right on
a pallet knocking it off. The tank took off like a rocket ending up putting a small hole
in the wall. I ran for my life!

***The memories of the 90's the songs on the dance floor!
So go dancing you know I will! I heard these songs like at least 100 times at work
and they never got old. Yes I danced a few times at work.
 A good list at...

***Also in the 90's at a other property the hotel uses. I came to work once there
and found a hole in the wall with a black dot. It was a security camera!
I knew this because I sneaked around it and climbed on the ice machine looking
up in the ceiling tile I found a VCR and it was recording every 4 sec's so I timed my watch
to it and quickly came down. I then went to the prop room and found a tall black top hat.
And got in front of the camera and every 4 sec's I would jump in the air then quickly
move forward then jump again I did this around the whole big table then worked my
way back to the camera then in front of the camera I took off my top hat and tipped
it then before the VCR recorded again I took off running so it looked like I vanished.

A week later when I came to work the HR lady was looking at me with the eagle eye
As I walked by her office she seen the video. A few months later and a few paranoid
bosses later, I fixed it. I was in love with a Angie Dickinson lookalike and I knew it
bugged her and I got sick of it also so enough! I covered the hole with butter
being the color of the butter was the same color of the wall and respectfully the same as
her hair color. (Only I would notice something like that. When I get it bad I get it bad!)
Anyway the butter worked no more camera in the wall and no one said anything.

***Also at the other property the hotel uses there was a marriage and
a sort of a divorce the same day. This couple got marred and later that night they
had their reception at the hotel. The lady's husband got a little drunk, and a bit
aggressive. I sort of suspect he hit her or something, just by the way they where acting.
I picked up on it. He was upset that a beef roast got ruined because the hot box stopped
working. He wanted to take the roast back with him but Chef said it was not safe to eat.
So later when I went in the elevator I held it open for them, they where going down also.
So the wife, her parents and the drunk husband and me went down the elevator from hell!
We made it to the lobby, and when we got out the wife threw her ring to the floor.
The next day or week she filed for divorce. I remember it was soon after!

(Un-related sort of but I have to mention this the second time I seen something like that.
In the early 90's I was driving to college and on the highway I saw lady walking down
the side of the highway with a guy a ways behind her, they where fighting, yelling.
As I was coming up to them in my car she took off her ring and threw it in the grass.
Some asshole in front of me slammed on the breaks, pulling to the side of the road.
He open his passenger door and she jumped in. I thought about doing that also but
I hesitated, I was in college so I was broke with no money and could not take care
of her if I did! So it was ok. I hope the guy that picked her up took care of her!)

***Before the year 2000 I heard from another hotel worker about something called the
"Concorde Club" in Oklahoma. AKA Swingers club. At the time people where
partying like it's 1999! And this was just another funny thing going on at the time to me.

I was cleaning up after a banquet and the mic was still on and running, so with no
customers in the room just workers I got on the mic and said,
"The first annual meeting of the Concorde Club is now in session
the honorable **** presiding!" and went boom, boom with a coffee cup.
This guy and his wife poked their heads in the room and looked at me he said
"He said it!" And she looked sort of disused and shocked that I said it.
I guess they knew about it also! It was just too funny for me but told them

***In the mid 90's This RICH lady whose husband runs an oil refinery headquarters,
was seen at the hotel by her husband she was going up the elevator with her arms
around two guys. Well he only seen the back of her and was sure it was her,
but not 100% so he asked the bellman and front desk if they knew if she
was there. They didn't know but they quickly passed the info to the hotel manager.
Being the guy runs the oil refinery headquarters and is over 60% of the hotels money
at the time the manager looked in to it.

He found her, she was having a orgy with a bunch of people in a upstairs sweet.
The manager and security got the people to get dressed and got them out the
hotel in the stairwell. They kept the wife there as she was a match on fire
and they where thinking what to do to get her out of the hotel without her husband
seeing her. Also to the fact all she had on was a crotch less lace S&M outfit.
Because one of the people there took her clothing on the way out.

So that was where I came in I was working on the floor at the time.
The manager got me and told me what was going on and we need to
get her out without her husband seeing her. It's death of the Hotel because
he would pull all of the business away for sure.
We can't go down the main elevator or take the stairwell because you still would
have to walk across the main lobby hallway to get to the parking lot exit.
There was a service elevator that went to the lobby and that was the way they
where going to take her out. Being it was close to the parking lot exit.

But how without being seen because her husband was standing in the middle
of the lobby looking at everything to see where she comes out at.
What to do? I came up with a pink panther kind of movie thing, of hiding her in the
Rubbermaid cart with a cloth over it. But when she got in there was too many sharp
plastic things in there hurting her so she refused!
So I came up with option two, duck walk next to the cart so it hides her so we
can get her down the lobby hallway a bit to get her to the parking lot exit, where
the bellman had her car in the back of the hotel ready for a fast exit.

So with the cart stacked with trays and covered with the cloth and her car ready
and with the manager and security guard ahead on the lookout we ran to the
service elevator. Where at the lobby floor I went out first and moved my
cart over a bit and at a sight angle me and the duck walking wife
with the crotch less lace S&M outfit walking next to the cart walked toward the exit.
(Yes I had to look what guy wouldn't! I was under 30 at the time!)
I was looking at her when the security guard tapped me and I said
"I can't help it it's beautiful" then wife whispered "thank you" and then
the manager coughed "BS!" And the wife said "hey!"
By then we got close enough where her husband couldn't see and the
security guard picked her up over his shoulder and they ran her to the car.
I gave her the call me hand language as they where going down the hall to the exit.
And she gave me the hands up, I can't hand language back! Damn!

After that mess the manager gave me the talk about what happens
in the hotel stays in the hotel! And after that the manger got all the sales people
together we need more business now! And the hotel lives another day!

***Wayback at a unknown time or location at a cater out we where working.
I witnessed a lovers connection. All I am going to say is a worker was in love
with a customer. She hangs out at the workplace a lot I guess while hub is at work.
We where tired and resting against the wall while the people where socializing.
Me and the worker where quiet when all of a sudden he said out loud
"I wish I could be her toy boy!" I looked at him, "WHAT?! LOL"
He looked at me and said "Did I say that out loud?", I said "Well Yess!"
and he said "Oh, Shit! "Then he looked at her and she was looking
at him and you could read her face, "I love you too!", Oh Shit!" He got embarrassed
and walked by the wall going to the exit. And she saw him and she went also on the
wall on the other side of the room. I was standing there watching this go down.
It was like a cougar hunting pray! No, really! 
They both where about half way to the door when they stopped and made eye
contact, contact, contact then he took off running to the exit making it out.
And she took off supper fast to the exit, she paused and looked around
no one really noticed what was going on but me and she looked at me.
I was smiling, this was sort of romantic.
Then she looked like fuck it and took off after him.
I didn't see what happened but from seeing her at the place I worked at
I am sure she tackled him. (Her attitude etc.)
I made my way to the exit but did not see them anywhere when I looked.

***Also in the early 90's when I was a dishwasher in my 20's me and the
other worker heard this lawyer group was running room to room naked.
(They had the whole floor.)
Security had the service elevator and stairs locked down.
We both where trying to get up there, we want to see!

***Also as I dishwasher there was a married lady that had a open
marriage or something, that worked in the restaurant. She liked me...
She once wanted me to get her keys our of her front pocket because
her hands where full. So I did, but I quickly found out she had no
pockets they where cut out I felt something furry.

I was interested in her until... The cold prep cook came to
work and went to me in a panic knowing my interest with her.
He told me what happened to him. That he made a agreement
and he had sex with her. He was on top when all of a sudden she
hugged him and wrapped her legs around him holding him down
and yelled out "He's Ready!" He looked over his shoulder and said
the bedroom door opened and her husband was walking toward his ass,
with his thing hanging down wobbling. He could not get free so the only thing he
could do was to flop around in the bed like a dolphin with her hanging on
to him, until they fell off the bed, then he put his ass against the wall and said
"This is not our agreement!" He told me this so it wouldn't happen to me.

***Also in the 90's there was a worker that had a Corpus callosotomy done.
He had some conflict. He told me his "Right brain is jealous of the left
because the right hand does all the work."
There was onetime he hit himself with the left hand.
I had to know what eye - side of the brain to look at to tell
him to knock it off. He thanked me for that!

But overall he was a happy guy! He had his bad times, but
found happiness by carrying two trays of food one in each hand.
"Im happy!" he said. The boss didn't like that but I pulled out
my old college books and showed her, hes not normal and needs
not to be chained to a standard due to his needs!